Friday, August 24, 2007

confusion sets in

There is so much confusion. So much I want to do, and I seem to be unable to do any of it. I am torn in so many directions that I'm not sure what to do anymore. I love working in public relations, and I absolutely adore working in nonprofit, but there is no future where I am, no way to advance beyond my current station unless someone quits or gets fired, and that's not going to happen. I want another job, one where I can continue growing. I also want to find something that will allow me to enjoy the other part of my life, the writing, the theatre, and the photography. It's odd... when I was in college, all I wanted was to find a job that consumed every minute of my life because I'm single and don't really have a huge amount of friends. But now that I've found theatre and the group of people involved in it, I want my free time!

Deep down inside, I yearn for the stage. I wish I would have gone after that when I had the chance. Now, I feel I'm too old and way too out of shape to try for anything professional in that area, not to mention the fact that most people in theatre/television/film are beautiful, and I'm average at best.

Why did I have to be cursed with so many passions? I want to do so much in my life, and now I'm too old to do some of them, and have too many financial obligations to pursue others. Like I said, I love my job and I love working with an organization that helps people, but my passions... they are my reason for living. I still want with all my heart to be a writer, and I'm trying to get that off the ground so I can do it fulltime. It'll be a few years before I'm able to go fulltime, though, so in the meantime I'm doing everything I can to get things started.

Still, the confusion remains, and I'm unsure what to do about it.

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