Sunday, May 13, 2007

Sunday Scribblings: Second Chance

This week's prompt is: Second Chance. Is there someone who you need to give a second chance? Do you wish you could have one with someone else? Do you need a do-over? Is there something you wish you could do all over again? Have you failed at something that still bothers you? Is there a Sunday Scribblings prompt you would like to use again? Is there a day you would like to live all over again? Do you have a character in mind with regrets? What would you like to do differently given the opportunity? Here's your chance - your second chance!

I thought long and hard about this topic before posting. I wasn't sure if I wanted to admit this in such a public way, but here goes. As anyone who has read this blog more than once or twice would know, I got married young. Really young. 19. (I said I was young!) We divorced when I was 22. Actually, the divorce papers arrived at my house on my 22nd birthday. How's that for a great gift?! As horrible as that time was, it is not what I would choose to do over. In fact, I'm grateful for the experience, because it helped to form the person I am now. As a result of this experience, I went back to school and was driven to succeed in life. After all, living well is the best revenge, right?? But I can't really blame him, or me, for the problems in our marriage. He was still in denial about his sexuality, so I truly believe he didn't know things wouldn't work out between us.

So if it's not the marriage and divorce, what do I want for my second chance? Love. I have finished school and have a great career. I have become a confident, independent woman and I don't need a man to make me happy. But I do want one.. lol! Now I know what I want in a man and what I really don't want. Is it possible to know that at 19? I don't think it is! I had no idea who I was at 19, so how could I know the qualities I want in a partner? Bit now, at 30, I have some very concrete ideas about it! So anyway, that's my dark secret. I want a second chance at love. I want to have a relationship like the one my parents have, and I want to have a child. Along with my other dreams and ambitions, along with my personal and professional goals, I want those things too. Not because they are expected of me, and not because they would complete me (don't get me started on that stupid mentality) but because I want them. But here's the thing... I'm not willing to sacrifice who I am to get them. I will never again lose myself just to be in a relationship. It's not worth it.

More second chances here.

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